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May 25 2018

04:00
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GDPR
By clicking anywhere, scrolling, or closing this notification, you agree to be legally bound by the witch Sycorax within a cloven pine.

May 23 2018

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Business Update
Our customers keep sending us their personal information, even though we've repeatedly asked them to stop. The EU told me I'm the heir to some ancient European throne that makes me exempt from the GDPR, but we should probably still try to fix that.

May 21 2018

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Morning News
Support your local paper, unless it's just been bought by some sinister hedge fund or something, which it probably has.

May 18 2018

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MC Hammer Age
Wait, sorry, I got mixed up--he's actually almost 50. It's the kid from The Karate Kid who just turned 40.

May 16 2018

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Repairs
I was just disassembling it over the course of five hours so it would fit in the trash more efficiently.

May 14 2018

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Fatal Crash Rate
Fixating on this seems unhealty. But in general, the more likely I think a crash is, the less likely one becomes, which is a strange kind of reverse placebo effect.

May 11 2018

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SafetySat
During launch, in the event of an unexpected sensor reading, SafetySat will extend prongs in all directions to secure itself and any other cubesats safely in the launch vehicle until the source of the problem can be determined.

May 09 2018

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Research Areas by Size and Countedness
Mathematicians give a third answer on the vertical axis, "That question is poorly defined, but we have a sub-field devoted to every plausible version of it."

February 07 2018

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Backpack Decisions
"This one is perfect in every way, except that for some reason it's woven from a tungsten mesh, so it weighs 85 pounds and I'll need to carry it around on a hand cart." "That seems like a bad--" "BUT IT HAS THE PERFECT POCKET ARRANGEMENT!"

February 05 2018

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Super Bowl Watch Party
It's going to be weird near the end of May when the screen goes blank for over 18 hours.

February 02 2018

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Chicken Pox and Name Statistics
People with all six of those names agree that it's weird that we have teeth, when you think about it for too long. Just about everyone agrees on that, except—in a still-unexplained statistical anomaly—people named "Trevor."

January 31 2018

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Fruit Collider
The most delicious exotic fruit discovered this way is the strawberry banana. Sadly, it's only stable in puree form, so it's currently limited to yogurt and smoothies, but they're building a massive collider in Europe to search for a strawberry banana that can be eaten whole.

January 29 2018

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Campaign Fundraising Emails
The establishment doesn't take us seriously. You know who else they didn't take seriously? Hitler. I'll be like him, but a GOOD guy instead of...

January 26 2018

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Night Sky
There's a mountain lion nearby, but it didn't notice you because it's reading Facebook.

January 24 2018

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Hawaii
Ok, I've got it, just need to plug in my security key. Hmm, which way does the USB go? Nope, not that way. I'll just flip it and– OH JEEZ IT FELL INTO THE VENT.

January 22 2018

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Scientific Paper Graph Quality
The worst are graphs with qualitative, vaguely-labeled axes and very little actual data.

January 19 2018

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The End of the Rainbow
The retina is the exposed surface of the brain, so if you think about a pot of gold while looking at a rainbow, then there's one at BOTH ends.

June 14 2017

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Air Force Museum
I had fun visiting the museum at Dover Air Force Base, unless they don't have a museum, in which case I've never been to Delaware in my life.

June 12 2017

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Decades
In the 90s, our variety radio station used the tagline "the best music of the 70s, 80s, and 90s." After 2000, they switched to "the best music of the 80s, 90s, and today." I figured they'd change again in 2010, but it's 2017 and they're still saying "80s, 90s, and today." I hope radio survives long enough for us to find out how they deal with the 2020s.

June 09 2017

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Glacial Erratic
"This will take a while, which sucks, because I'm already so busy chiseling out igneous intrusions from rock formations and watching Youtube loops of the Superman fault-sealing scene over and over."
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